When my first marriage was ending, I came up with an almost mathematical formula for what a relationship consists of:
Relationship = Love + Help
This formula was a strong realization for me because I would ask myself the question of why am I leaving my wife if I still love her? I couldn’t understand it until this formula dawned on me.
Photo by Rosie Ann on Pexels.com
And I believe it’s almost a formula for a successful marriage. I also realized back then that my now ex-wife and I lived our lives separately. Perhaps if I had cared more about what she was doing and being more supportive, we would not have gone through the pain of a divorce.
One other interesting thing I learnt is that I basically still love my ex-wife, and in fact, so I have told my children on several occasions. However, my interest in living with my ex-wife and continuing a relationship, ended when we separated. It reminds me of what a good friend of mine, who was supporting me emotionally throughout the divorce, said: “You never recover from a divorce. You will always feel pain and regret.” He was right. I have experienced it since our divorce, and I think there’s a little nostalgia that goes along with it.
En fin, I hope this “mathematical formula” can be of help for those of you who want to get married. I try to be supportive and attentive with my present wife. I try to be present for her, and so far I think we’ve had a very successful relationship.
Copyright © 2019 Jorge Luis Carbajosa
El descampado 