Discovering that I’m not the center of the Universe was a Spiritual Awakening for me, and it saved my life. I never believed in believing in God, and when I had this experience, I was twenty-three years old and I had just stopped drinking and joined Alcoholics Anonymous, also known as AA.
The word “God” is part of the AA program and frequently heard in meetings. It is a struggle for many new-comers. My therapist said to think of the word, whenever I heard it, as an acronym–G.O.D. which stands for “Good Orderly Direction.” I thought to myself that I could do that, as much as I disliked the Christian tone of AA.
The Third Step of AA says: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” And the idea of a Higher Power also comes up on the Second Step: “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” It is therefore inevitable that AA members who work the Steps will come across a similar, or the same kind of spiritual Awakening that I had, if they haven’t already when they walk into the rooms of AA. But the Steps are well thought out, and they guided and helped me find my own definition of a Higher Power.
After a meeting one day someone said that even though I didn’t believe in God that I could believe in a Higher Power, or something that is bigger than me. So I started focusing on that. I’ve never understood the idea that God is somewhere else, in a different place. I also knew that the Aztecs and ancient Europeans worshipped the Sun, so I thought, why not? The Sun will be my Higher Power. I need to believe in something I can see and feel.
I remember at night before I went to sleep, I would think about the size of the Sun and compare it to the Earth. I know the Sun is roughly a million times bigger than the earth, so just picturing that in my head was incredibly spiritual and soothing. I soon realized that I’m not the center of the universe and I believe that realization saved my life. I liken it to Christians when they say they have discovered Jesus and given their lives to him. I think it’s a similar experience, if not the same. I also realized that I until I found AA, I thought I was the center of the Universe, and I wasn’t even aware I had this frame of mind. My life was like a lost ship adrift in the ocean.
The Sun soon became everything to me. At first it was awkward to pray to the Sun, but when I joined AA, I was always saying the Serenity Prayer at the end of meetings anyway, so it eventually became easy. In addition someone after a meeting–it’s always a good idea to stick around after a meeting and talk to other members–said to me, after I expressed how much time I spent worrying about things, that if I prayed, I couldn’t worry at the same time. So I decided to use prayer to quieten my mind from worry, and from my unbalanced emotions that I had from years of heavy drinking. Praying to the Sun helps me meditate and sleep; it takes away my worries and helps me find serenity. The Sun is my Higher Power and I always put the Sun in front of me and my life first. Without the Sun, I wouldn’t be alive today. Prayer is a fundamental part of my sobriety and life.
Copyright © 2020 Jorge Luis Carbajosa
El descampado 